Anxious About The Future

Quick background, I was diagnosed with generalized vitiligo last August so this is still relatively new for me. Anyway, today my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me. She was truly my best friend and strongest emotional support outlet. It wasn't in anyway related to my condition, thankfully. Needless to say that I am pretty devastated about losing her.

Alongside thoughts of sadness about losing her, I'm having anxiety about what the future of my dating life holds if my condition worsens. I hope no one takes offense to that comment. I still haven't fully accepted my new skin and thus view it spreading as something problematic for me in social situations. Hopefully over time that outlook will change. Nevertheless, I am worried that I will never find someone as beautiful or talented as her, especially with my new disease. She was incredibly attractive, inside and out. I was already fortunate enough to be with her when I didn't have vitiligo. Now I feel as though I'm an an even worse position trying to attract someone like that in the future.

Hopefully I don't come across as shallow or superficial. I'm not in anyway trying to overemphasize looks (how ironic would that be). But it's more about my anxiety over not finding the 'total package' in light of a challenging and misunderstood skin disease. I would love to hear anyone's thoughts on this situation.

I Understand you because I had the same issue when I got divorced. The last thing I heard from my ex husband was " I hope you find someone that loves you with your vitiligo ". Here's the thing, there are people that are going to love you for what you look like that is a true fact. Those people are the kind of people you don't want in your life. There are people that will love you for who you are regardless of what you look like, be it Vitiligo , acne or weight or baldness or anything else you can come up with. These are the people you want in your life. So when my ex-husband told me that, I said to myself I am sure that someone will Love me a hell of a lot better than you did with or without Vitiligo. And you know what? It was less than a year that I found someone who could care less that I had Vitiligo. And I have vitiligo everywhere on my body and I mean everywhere but he didn't seem to bother him. So my advice to you is, to be the best person you can be and to find the best person you can find. Hey, and by the way, there are quite a few cuties in this vitiligo Friends and if I were you, I just might want to check that out! Never ever leave a door unopened or a rock unturned.

Replies

Sydney Franco December 3, 2016 at 1:31pm

I feel like you can't expect to find someone to love you if you don't love yourself first. :)
Jenny Wong September 29, 2016 at 8:14pm

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Dulce Leon September 17, 2016 at 12:28am

I Understand you because I had the same issue when I got divorced. The last thing I heard from my ex husband was " I hope you find someone that loves you with your vitiligo ". Here's the thing, there are people that are going to love you for what you look like that is a true fact. Those people are the kind of people you don't want in your life. There are people that will love you for who you are regardless of what you look like, be it Vitiligo , acne or weight or baldness or anything else you can come up with. These are the people you want in your life. So when my ex-husband told me that, I said to myself I am sure that someone will Love me a hell of a lot better than you did with or without Vitiligo. And you know what? It was less than a year that I found someone who could care less that I had Vitiligo. And I have vitiligo everywhere on my body and I mean everywhere but he didn't seem to bother him. So my advice to you is, to be the best person you can be and to find the best person you can find. Hey, and by the way, there are quite a few cuties in this vitiligo Friends and if I were you, I just might want to check that out! Never ever leave a door unopened or a rock unturned.
Lucas Fernandes July 2, 2016 at 9:13pm

Man you look great! Vitiligo won't mess up your beauty! :)
- Justin > Lucas Fernandes July 3, 2016 at 8:45pm
  
  Thank you for that generous comment, Lucas! :)
Evangeline July 2, 2016 at 6:22pm

I used to worry, but I found that my vitiligo never affected dating and relationships, the people who really appreciate you will appreciate that too. I think confidence is so important, but also understand that can be hard to reach and maintain. If you can manage to not focus on it, then usually others won't either. They can even learn to have fun with it ;)
- Justin > Evangeline July 3, 2016 at 8:41pm
  
  I like your perspective and completely agree with your point about trying to maintain confidence in the face of this challenging disorder. In social situations, people can often intuitively gauge our disposition. I believe if our disposition is one of fear/insecurity, others may behave similarly toward us and reinforce those negative feelings. Therefore acting poised/confident may just have the opposite effect. I really appreciate your comments :)
Bree June 15, 2016 at 6:04am

I am fortunate to have a supportive spouse. I'm very insecure but I truly believe we are all beautiful, and what's inside is most important! Good luck to you and take care!
- Justin > Bree June 15, 2016 at 9:07pm
  
  Thanks, Bree :)
Jay Manu June 12, 2016 at 3:12am

I have had similar concerns, but I have avoided worrying about something that is out of my control. Focus on the present, live life to it's every potential and at the end of the day, its an aesthetic appearance, where some will not be attracted to it and others will embrace it. One example of this is a model named "Winnie Harlow"; who has clearly embraced every opportunity that it has brought, and the 'patterns' on her skin are quite beautiful.

There are alternative short term options such as camouflage make-up to hide the Vitiligo spots which may help with your confidence initially, but for long-term relationships its an issue which I feel should be confronted head on.

Good luck and I hope you find someone who is right for you!

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